What Heartbreak taught me

It’s not the break up that hurts, nor is it the nature of the events leading to the break up. It is the realization of time wasted hoping the other part can protect your heart.

In my 29years of life I have experience 1 greatest break up that changed my notion and perception of men. It almost destroyed my belief in love…. Thank God I held on to hope!

Mr S, was my first long term luv, my high school sweetheart. Mr S taught me the things I know today about love and friendship, about your partners friends and your friends – keep this relationship apart as far as possible.

Mr S was an amazing person. Our relationship was fun, beautiful and we had mutual understanding and embracing. Like any normal relationship we had dreams, hopes and ambitions – I was probably more ambitious than he 🤔 but still he allowed me to dream far beyond.

6years in a relationship, what seemed beautiful and perfect soon revealed scratches of anxiety.

Late during my 2nd year enrolment at the medical university during a practical block in Polokwane, Limpopo the distance of being more than 300km apart indulged in on me. It was nothing serious nor was it an act of disrespect but merely an activity of experience. I met someone. A friend. We went out a couple of times during the block but we never hooked up. I can’t even remember his name. But we kissed! It was an activity of experience but i knew i had messed up and guilt got the better of me… so I confessed to Mr S..

What he failed to tell me though was that while guilt led me to honesty, he wasn’t all too honest himself and not even feeling guilty. I think I would have felt better had he said “oh you did that with him, well I also met someone.”

No he didn’t. Instead he acted out to forgive me. Men never forgive!

Late same year Mr S finally took his involvement with lady R to the next level – I was still in existant with him, so I thought. But I too wasn’t too perfect… I had another experience with Mr K at campus. Does it make it seem better if I said Mr K knew about Mr S and that he was the one I was holding on to for a better future? I mean after all he was my high school sweetheart.

…I guess it doesn’t really make me any better than him.

Anyways fast forward…. Mr S and lady R moved in together and I had the opportunity to meet up with her over festive holidays in my attempt to visit Mr S and BOOM!!! Lady R cooking in his apartment!!!

Well I’m sure you probably already have a picture of what went down in that scene…. But nah it didn’t happen like that sorry to burst your bubble but no cat fights….no not me! I’m too classy for such. I waited for Mr S to expelain what I’m seeing, I was too numb to react.

Over 3 weeks after that event Mr S tried to get me of the love wagon I had over him, telling me lady R is pregnant but no I wasn’t ready to let go of my high school luv- dumb I know.

After months of being ignored… I was back in school doing my final year in diagnostic radiography I had to come to terms with the pieces of brokenness in my heart. Lord knows I had never experienced such heartbreak ever and little did I know about healing.

It took me exactly 3 and a half years to heal and say his name without feeling crippled inside. Heart breaks are not for the paty but they also not anything to want to take your life on. Yes it hurts but we are made stronger but surviving our battles. This relationship with Mr S gave me an experience of a lifetime both good and bad. I know how a beautiful relationship could be and I know how heartbreak can make me feel.

So I thank Mr S for all lesson learned.

For a while my heart was of steel but over time I healed, I loved and I’m still inlove.

No matter the heartbreak never give up on love just because someone else failed to love you the best deserving way. A few wrong turns don’t mean we can never find the right one.

Love best. Live best.

Love.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s